Productivity & Patience

In hindsight, I've concluded that my productivity and patience in the past few weeks (in truth, I should say months) have been quite low. Low productivity can quite easily be attributed to a high level of apathy (inversely proportionate, if you will); I have not yet been able to identify the source of low patience. Nevertheless, I feel it's more important to identify the underlying issue, rather than its cause, in this situation; and thus, I've decided to actively work towards mitigating both issues this week.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm reminded that I am embarking upon the "home stretch," if you will allow me to use a quaint baseball analogy. From tomorrow forward, until December 17th, I have quite the full load, attempting to survive several exams, presentations, and papers. A high level of productivity will be an essential tool in completing my tasks in a timely and successful manner, particularly when dealing with examinations. Given the scores I received after the last round, I am definitely motivated to earn better marks; however, the one hesitation I have (and thus far, I should promise myself to not let this hinder my studying) is that I feel as if I just do not understand the material presented. I am not sure whether this is due to the fact that I am in the unenviable position of studying a subject I more or less loathe, or whether the aforementioned high levels of apathy have somehow caused my brain to turn itself off. Whatever the cause, I hope that this new focus in increasing productivity will have positive effects on my grades and allow me to complete the final weeks of my undergraduate career with renewed forte and pride (as you will agree, completing a course of study which has plagued your very nightmares - perhaps an exaggeration - should be cause for much excitement).

As a rather unimportant day looms near, I cannot help but feel that fresh beginnings are in order. A new approach to life will be quite welcome with the close of another year. As the saying goes, "patience is a virtue," and so I am convinced the new year should begin with attempts at increasing my own capacity for patience. In recent times, I have found myself quite frustrated or angry quite easily. What is interesting to note here is that I distinctly recall spending the previous year fighting off any sign of aggression quite easily, not allowing myself to channel any negative energy into my life, whenever any faint trace of it appeared. I think now that perhaps the reactions as of late are a counter-action to those I previously possessed; perhaps I am now just releasing all the aggression I subconsciously stored through the past months. Nevertheless, I believe recognizing this very fact is integral in attempting to mitigate this very issue; and so, I will place special emphasis on recognizing any hint of the negative in all aspects of my life this next week. In so doing, I hope to allow my mind to recognize this pattern in the future and thereby incorporate this recognition process into everyday thought.

I intend to track my progress in this grandiose endeavor as time travels on. I, of course, expect to veer of the path ever so often; but, I hope that by penning these thoughts, I will be able to utilize them effectively in the future, as I attempt to become the person I continually strive to be.