Re-Evaluation

It is an interesting experience, revisiting thoughts I've penned in the past, and realizing that they inevitably still hold true today.  In the previous six months, I've traversed an unexpected path that, I admit, has led me a bit astray.  I mean not, in saying this, that I was enticed by sins or committed notable transgressions; instead, I've found myself a bit removed from my initially intended goal of bettering very specific bits and pieces of myself.  This deviation, however, has allowed me to reinforce the notion that all experiences can be deemed learning ones; therefore, I suppose I could argue that not only have I fulfilled this goal of bettering myself, but perhaps even succeeded in ameliorating those aspects I did not even recognize as viable in the past.  In this respect, the 6-month road I've traveled was indeed tangent to the one I'd intended to travel: I've learned valuable lessons regarding several key aspects of life; specifically, however, the ones that have affected me significantly have been those highlighting relationships, human emotion, and the importance of the boundaries that exist in not only defining these relationships, but one could argue, all aspects one's life.  

Inherently, we, as human beings, must be cognizant of the relationships we form, as well as the extent of human emotion and intellect that defines the boundaries that exist in these relationships.  I've found, in the past, this to be a bit of a cloudy area, specifically because I've seen the relationships in my life, as well as the value I place on them, changing significantly over the past several years.  Of course, I note this not as a negative experience; rather, the opposite is true - I've found it to be quite the enlightening journey, tracing from my relative youth, in which I naively sought and categorized relationships, to a turning point (which I define as the moment in time when the realization that I could not create and sustain relationships with every lingering soul in my life set in), to the present, where I consistently struggle to understand and evaluate the rapports, friendships, and connections I make on a day-to-day basis.  I confess that this struggle is far less conflict-ridden than the previous statement may make it seem; nevertheless, I've seen it as a significant source of growth over the years.  

I realize the above may hold quite little value to those of you who are reading.  However, the mere act of penning my thoughts have provided a cathartic release from the journey we call life.  Though I did not envision myself taking this very path over the last six months, I've learned that the end outcome was quite similar to the initial I had imagined.  That, in and of itself, has provided me a sense of relief over the guilt that I've managed to riddle myself with over this same amount of time.  With this realization, I still intend to make concrete this plan to become more like those whom I admire in life; however, I believe I've stumbled across a very tangible example of the prime, oftentimes underestimated, character trait of life: its lack of predictability.  With the end of the year fast approaching, I fully intend to fulfill the promise I made to myself so many months ago, just in time to embark on the path to this subtle, albeit much desired, transformation, with the resolution season in the new year.