A Farewell

Earlier this evening, about 830p, as I sat at the local Starbucks, chatting away with a very good friend from high school, I happened to check my E-mail on my phone. A little surprised to see a new message in my work inbox so late on a Sunday evening, I opened the message to discover that one of my co-workers, Ben, had passed away. My mind whirling with questions and rampant thoughts, I sat in sheer shock.

"This is just so crazy," I uttered, over and over for the next hour.

It's been almost 4 hours since I received the news, and it's no less shocking. As I sat there, trying to absorb the news, I thought about the night, just a few weeks ago, when Ben joined me and another friend for dinner. And then my mind wandered to last week, when I chatted with him online, inviting him out to a local bar for happy hour the following day. I am still having the hardest time thinking that that same person is no longer with us.

Ben was one of the nicest and most polite people I've ever met. With a smile on his face, he always greeted me with a, "Hey, Madi, how's it going?" every time we saw each other. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen him not smiling. His gentle and quiet nature really had a way of putting people at ease; and I was a bit surprised to find that he had a great sense of humor, when he opened up. I'd only just gotten to know him past our working interactions, and as another co-worker said tonight, I think my greatest sadness in all of this is that I will not be able to be friends with him and get to know him further.

The last few weeks have found me in a decent amount of inner turmoil. I've found myself struggling with an ongoing process of self-identification, attempting to define myself and that which makes me content. This emotional churning culminated in a lengthy venting session via text message to a friend, who offered me some advice: live in the present. This adage has survived centuries, and I'd heard it before, but it hit me for some reason that night. The next day, I found out a good friend needs to have an ultrasound for a medical issue - to rule things out, but still a little bit of a scare nonetheless. And now, this.

It really puts things into perspective for me. I realized tonight how easy it is to get caught up in the minute details of life, and forget to actually live. I realized how petty the complaints I've voiced over the last few days have truly been. And I thought about the legacy that we are all given the opportunity to leave when we move on.

I remember watching the movie Dead Poets' Society when I was in 8th grade, and really being struck by the phrase that became a cornerstone of the movie's premise: Carpe Diem. Never have I truly felt its fundamental nature and intent until tonight. Though sometimes tedious and tumultuous, life is such a real blessing. Every moment should be valued and appreciated...and lived. We never are guaranteed our next breath, so we should enjoy the present to its fullest extent.

It's amazing to me how little impact words like that have had on me in the past. And yet, after recent events, I can't help but feel, to the core, its fundamental message. Though I've only known him a short time, Ben has unknowingly inspired me to be the driving force behind the change I've been longing to and struggled to make in my life. The value of this thought alone I cannot even articulate in words, especially given the struggles I've had with defining and acting upon my thoughts and ideas in the recent past. So, thank you could not even begin to express the gratitude and appreciation I wish I could articulate to him in this very moment.

Rest in peace, Ben - whether you can realize it now or not, you've made a really huge impact on my life, and I thank you for it. You will be missed dearly.

(False) Sense of Confidence

At dinner tonight with an old high school friend, I brought up the topic of the consulting industry and its appeal to many of our friends. My friend is in charge of the marketing aspect of her clients’ projects, so she’s quite familiar with helping her clients market their products and services. She expressed interest and a desire to eventually be a part of a consulting company herself, and as we discussed I began wondering:

What exactly is the appeal of this particular industry to so many, specifically so many of my generational peers?

During the last semester of college, I, too, was drawn by the challenging work environment that consulting offered (specifically, strategic management consulting). I applied and interviewed with a number of firms and ultimately decided that the world of strategic management consulting wasn’t completely suited for me. I have no regrets in that decision, as I’ve held fast to the rationale I gave at the time: the industry is cutthroat and perhaps a little too fast-paced for me.

After dinner, I really got to thinking about how so many of my friends in my generation have expressed interest in pursuing a career in consulting. I mentioned this to another friend, who responded with, “Maybe no one wants to actually solve their own problems.”

“So, does that mean we, as a generation, have been lulled into a false sense of security and confidence that we can actually solve other people’s problems?” I asked.

His response: “Maybe it’s about finding something meaningful. Maybe the idea of solving other people’s problems is more meaningful to our generation.”

Curiosity got the better of me, and I mulled this quick dialogue that I’d just had.

What values are we instilled with as a generation? The desire to contribute and meaningfully in all we do has popped up in many generational attributes and characteristics lists. We’ve grown up being told we can solve the world’s problems, that it’s our duty – and why shouldn’t we believe it? We’re at the forefront of technological and societal development. We’re at a pivotal juncture in leveraging all of the resources available to us and creating solutions for some of the most pressing issues of our times. Our intrinsic value systems have effectively guaranteed that we feel some sense of responsibility, collectively as a generation, to use our talents, skills, and resources to meaningfully contribute to society.

However, this very notion, I believe, leads us into a second layer of this discussion.

At what expense have we been instilled with these values? This very question lends itself to identifying the factors that have contributed to our upbringings. We’ve been told from day one that we can achieve anything we set our minds to. If we have the talent, we can use any number of resources to achieve our goals and become successful. Our educational system is designed to enable this to prove true: we work hard, focus, and earn grades that reflect our understanding of topics and concepts. Many of our parents rewarded us for attaining our goals, and continually reminded us that we were capable of anything we set our minds to. So, when we received those awards at school, or the allowance or new toy from our parents, we gained a sense of self-confidence that translated to other aspects of our lives. As the list of achievements grew, so did the level of self-confidence…to the point where we now have a sense of self-confidence and assurance that we can combat any challenge that comes our way, solve any problem that we face – so much so that it seems many of our generation are actually interested in making problem solving for others their career.

But, what keeps us from wanting and trying to solve our own problems?

As I’ve talked to many of my friends, I’ve realized how many of us are struggling to make sense of our lives and understand what we want out of it. It’s interesting that although we are given the support and encouragement from a very young age to pursue our ambitions, many of us come face-to-face with the realization that the limitless options available to us perhaps impede the progress we desire to make in “figuring our lives out.” How is it that we find curiosity and interest in helping others’ solve their problems, and yet we (especially those of us who hit this rough patch in our twenties) find it difficult to logically approach our own personal predicaments? Moreover, if we can’t solve our own problems, how can we possibly help others’ solve theirs, regardless of whether they are personal or professional in nature? For that matter, does it make a difference if they are personal or professional in nature – are these mutually exclusive in this discussion? As these questions sprung to mind, I couldn’t help but think that perhaps the positive reinforcement we’ve received at a young age is actually counterproductive in the long run. I couldn’t help but think that perhaps we have inadvertently developed a false sense of self-confidence in our abilities and potential.

So, my question is: what are the implications of this, if it’s true? Is this false sense of confidence actually dangerous? Moreover, what factors have contributed to this in our development – societal, educational, parental?