And so it is that the undergraduate academic career draws to a thankfully-foreseeable close, as I am left here pondering the next step. I've come to the conclusion that I must confine myself to some sort of a degree program, in order to acquire the additional knowledge I feel I failed to acquire during the last five and a half years. The discipline that such structure provides will undoubtedly enable me to exercise the right portion of my brain, one which has long been under-appreciated.

Therefore, starting either next fall or the following spring, I've decided to pursue an MA in Humanities. In addition, next summer I will enroll in French language courses. I'm quite confident that these steps will help me progress my personal agenda of bettering myself. In due time, I hope to see the implications of these actions, though I'm confident that this will only lead me in the positive direction.

Productivity & Patience

In hindsight, I've concluded that my productivity and patience in the past few weeks (in truth, I should say months) have been quite low. Low productivity can quite easily be attributed to a high level of apathy (inversely proportionate, if you will); I have not yet been able to identify the source of low patience. Nevertheless, I feel it's more important to identify the underlying issue, rather than its cause, in this situation; and thus, I've decided to actively work towards mitigating both issues this week.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I'm reminded that I am embarking upon the "home stretch," if you will allow me to use a quaint baseball analogy. From tomorrow forward, until December 17th, I have quite the full load, attempting to survive several exams, presentations, and papers. A high level of productivity will be an essential tool in completing my tasks in a timely and successful manner, particularly when dealing with examinations. Given the scores I received after the last round, I am definitely motivated to earn better marks; however, the one hesitation I have (and thus far, I should promise myself to not let this hinder my studying) is that I feel as if I just do not understand the material presented. I am not sure whether this is due to the fact that I am in the unenviable position of studying a subject I more or less loathe, or whether the aforementioned high levels of apathy have somehow caused my brain to turn itself off. Whatever the cause, I hope that this new focus in increasing productivity will have positive effects on my grades and allow me to complete the final weeks of my undergraduate career with renewed forte and pride (as you will agree, completing a course of study which has plagued your very nightmares - perhaps an exaggeration - should be cause for much excitement).

As a rather unimportant day looms near, I cannot help but feel that fresh beginnings are in order. A new approach to life will be quite welcome with the close of another year. As the saying goes, "patience is a virtue," and so I am convinced the new year should begin with attempts at increasing my own capacity for patience. In recent times, I have found myself quite frustrated or angry quite easily. What is interesting to note here is that I distinctly recall spending the previous year fighting off any sign of aggression quite easily, not allowing myself to channel any negative energy into my life, whenever any faint trace of it appeared. I think now that perhaps the reactions as of late are a counter-action to those I previously possessed; perhaps I am now just releasing all the aggression I subconsciously stored through the past months. Nevertheless, I believe recognizing this very fact is integral in attempting to mitigate this very issue; and so, I will place special emphasis on recognizing any hint of the negative in all aspects of my life this next week. In so doing, I hope to allow my mind to recognize this pattern in the future and thereby incorporate this recognition process into everyday thought.

I intend to track my progress in this grandiose endeavor as time travels on. I, of course, expect to veer of the path ever so often; but, I hope that by penning these thoughts, I will be able to utilize them effectively in the future, as I attempt to become the person I continually strive to be.

Acclimated Changes

For days I've contemplated the idea of chronicling my thoughts once again, and for days I've been excited at the prospect. It's an interesting state, though, when one sits down to write, and one's brain is overcome with so many, many thoughts that it's quite difficult to sort through them and present them in a coherent and cohesive manner. I, of course, will try my best.

A number of years ago (and what now, I must confess, feels like an eternity), I was quite the amiable soul, considering many to be my confidantes. Coming from a diverse background, growing up in various places, I always considered myself cultured and experienced. What I failed to realize was that merely speaking multiple languages, merely identifying myself with a rich culture, merely being taught life's lesson, could never replace the power, the effect of living life. After surviving my fair share of experiences, I have crossed the figurative bridge and look upon the other side of the water with intrepid admiration, for these experiences have shaped the person I have become and the person I continue to be. And I now know that this bridge is the first of many, on this journey of life.

Nevertheless, having encountered many figurative demons and angels alike, I've decided to further develop myself - to strive to be the person I envision myself to be, to strive to emulate those whom I have come to admire. In so doing, I hope to better myself and mitigate those qualities I find less than favorable, while elevating those which I consider to be the opposite.

And so, I've decided to embark upon this quest, rejuvenated by a thought-provoking quote I came across yesterday. When asked what someone's favorite part of the day is, he replied, "The moment my head hits the pillow. That's when I close my eyes and decide if I'm the person I meant to be when I got up."

Enthralled upon reading it, I quickly connected the underlying idea of the response to my own desire to ameliorate myself. It caused me to muse on the notion of perception, not only one's perception of others and vice versa, but more importantly, one's perception of oneself. I am constantly wondering if I have developed into the person I would like to be. At such an early point in my life, when many opportunities and life experiences await me, I know that though the conclusion to my musings is negative, I can easily work to change. In the past few days, these thoughts have invaded my non-academic related waking hours (which, I assure you, currently is quite a small number...I'm certain, however, that this does not trivialize them one bit). I'm grateful that this recognition and desire for change has manifested itself in me so intently. I believe it will be quite the test of patience and focus, to see the culmination of my efforts in due time. I hope I'll come to treasure these ruminations in retrospect some odd years in the future, indeed only if I've come to better myself, as I claim I so greatly want. Until then, I suspect I will use this space to chronicle my thoughts and come to conclusions that I otherwise would have difficulty in drawing, sorting through the tumultuous maze of thoughts present in my mind at any given time.